How can parents help their children minimize unnecessary stress?

Mary Jo Rapini, LPC 

Licensed Professional Counselor

The loss of childhood is a serious and complex problem facing many families in America. It is clear that our kids are growing up very quickly in a generation full of electronics, never experienced by their parents.

Recent statistics show that more than 50 hours per week of a child’s life is spent interacting with some sort of screen media. In addition, kids are sleeping less; they are involved in more non-family activities; they are being treated as confidantes by their parents; and they have less time to be still or interact with family. And this doesn't come without consequences. Increased stress,  as well as a need for immediacy and awkwardness with normal communication are common results. Kids also feel more overwhelmed with emotions they don’t understand or have the ability to process.

How can we protect our children’s youth, help them manage necessary stress and minimize unnecessary stress? The number one way to manage stress is to prevent it from happening. This article offers suggestions for parents on managing their own stress, as well as the stress of their children.

Do recognize the negative effects of stress

An overload of information or an inability to manage information leads to anxiety, depression and stress in our children. While attention deficit disorders are a real issue for today’s kids, environmental influences cannot be overlooked. Many parents are as stressed—if not more than their children. And when children don’t understand what is going on, they typically try to help their parents by taking on some of their unspoken worries and concerns.

It is not uncommon for parents to travel for work, vent personal information to their children or sign their child up for too many activities. This can push a healthy balance to an unhealthy point for a child. Just as parents need down time, so do kids.

Do concentrate on happiness and feeling good about oneself

As a parent, prepare yourself to not expect perfection. Instead, focus on being happy and raising kids who feel good about themselves. The easiest way to do this is to focus on all you love and what is going great in your life. If your child is getting all B’s with one C or D, focus on the B’s, with encouragement toward improving the C or D.

Do exercise and eat healthy foods

Minimize stress with exercise and healthy foods. When you make healthy choices, you become happier. Taking ten minutes for yourself each day to exercise minimizes stress and anxiety, while also helping demonstrate a healthy lifestyle for your child.

Do focus on spirituality

Take care of yourself spiritually. Your faith and beliefs can help you relieve stress. Praying, meditating and sharing your life with a community helps you feel less burdened. This is a more appropriate sounding board than using your children.

Do not overlook the importance of creating open communication

Talk to your kids about what is causing the stress in their life, and less about what is causing stress in your own life.

Do not forget to establish routines

Focus on helping your child develop a routine to follow each day. Consistency and structure minimize stress in kids. Develop a bedtime plan and ensure that your child is getting plenty of sleep. Catching up on weekends is not okay.

Do not overdo fast food meals

Planning family meals rather than going out for fast food will reduce stress. Healthy eating doesn't have to be time consuming, and it allows you to spend more time engaged with your child.

Do not over schedule kids

Less planned activities and having time to journal or work on hobbies gives children more control and encourages healthy coping and stress management.

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Summary

You cannot escape all stress. While it is important to recognize that some stress is good, when your child becomes anxious, weepy and unable to focus, it is time to make changes in your family’s lifestyle. It is possible for parents to help their children minimize and manage daily stress.

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Click her for a direct link to Ms. Rapini's Article

5 Things That Build Self-Esteem in Kids

Today, I found this great article written by Kidlutions.  These 5 tips are very easy to do and can really build up your child's self-esteem.

Building REAL Self-Esteem in Kids

Most parents want to "up" their child's self-esteem.  It's a common question I get from parents.  "How do I make sure my child is confident enough?  How can I help her believe in herself?  How can she eventually bounce back from disappointment?"

Well, there a few things that parents should know that can help support their child in developing all of the above.  We know constant praise doesn't work, and in fact, may backfire. The most helpful things of all seem to be:

1. Stability Counts. Providing a stable living environment wherein the child feels love and unconditional positive regard.  This goes beyond the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing.  It includes routine, limits, laughter, love and sense of belonging.  Knowing that you and your home are a safe haven provides the foundation on which all other building blocks for self-esteem will rest. Every child in the world needs this.

2. Challenge. Allow your children to be challenged.  This stretches their mental muscle and let's them feel accomplished when they complete a task they had not earlier been able to master.  Focus on progress, not perfection.  Cheer your child on to victory.  Support her in her defeat. 

3. Listen Up.  Your child needs your undivided attention.  No, not all day long.  Thank goodness, because if this were the case, you'd never get anything done.  Your child needs some time alone to dream, doodle and entertain herself. But, she also needs and deserves your full attention, at times. Put that iPad or phone down. Stop multi-tasking. Look into your child's eyes.  LISTEN.  Really listen.  Reflect back to her what she is asking or saying to you.  Make her feel understood and wanted. 

4. Praise Effort, Not Outcomes.  "You worked really hard on folding those socks.  Look how many you did!"  "You never gave up on that math homework! Good for you!"  "It's fun for me to watch you play soccer.  When you got knocked down, you got right back up and kept running! Way to go!"  "You studied hard for that spelling test and did your very best! Excellent effort!"

5.  Help Children Be YOU-nique.  Each and every child is magnificent. (So is every adult.) When we look for it, we can find amazing qualities in every child we meet.  Help your child identify what makes her unique, what makes her stand out, what makes her special and different from anyone else in the world.

The list of things that help kids build self-esteem could go on and on.  This will give you a start. Add your own ideas.  Just avoid the constant, ongoing praise that kids drown out and stop believing in after a while.  It backfires from it's intended purpose.  Focus on helping your child be strong and secure in herself.  Self-esteem is an inside job! Help her make her own internal dialogue STRONG and CLEAR, so she learns to trust and rely on herself.